I am sitting on the couch in my sweat pants after what was a pretty good day at school. I've been reading some blogs, facebooking, and just hanging out. I don't usually have time for this and I don't usually set New Years resolutions because no one ever keeps them...but I've changed my mind this year? This year I really want to focus on being who God created me to be. I wanted to strive to be the best woman of God, wife, daughter, friend, teacher, and coach that I can be.
Right now I am thinking a lot about my job and I spend a lot of time letting it control me instead of God. Matt and I know that in the future God has something big for us, something that involves us possibly stepping out of our comfort zone and maybe even working together. However, right now I know that no matter what I think I am where God wants me to be. The past few months I have spent a lot of time wondering why in the world I am at Wendell Middle. My students don't really seem to appreciate my work and half the time they don't do what they are supposed to. In fact, I have caught myself saying..."I am going back to Apex where my kids enjoy school." I get so tired of people making excusing for things and my philosophy has so easily become "I can only do so much." This week, as I've started back to school, I've kind of changed my mentality. There really is only so much I can do and I can't get my entire emotion involved my job or I will wear quickly...but I can be the best that I can for these kids. So many of my students are struggling with things I would have never had dreamed of as a middle school student and I am the only person that may pray for them. I may be the only person that smiles at the, I may be the only person that tries to be patient with them. My prayer for the rest of this year is that no matter how many times a student refuses to do their work or tells me that they don't have to listen me because I am a white woman (and yes this has happened a few times), I am a missionary sent by the Lord to set an example for these kids.
I feel like if I really focus on what God has called me to be and I stop dwelling on "why in the world am I teaching at this school, with these crazy kids" I will be the effective woman of God, wife, daughter, friend, teacher, and coach that I am called to be. We'll see how I do, but my prayer is that I let God lead and that I don't try to do it by myself....cause if I do, this resolution won't last!
